eternal brunch

also related to that: FEELINGS

the idea that i will always be at least a little bit “crazy” and depression/anxiety-prone and which of these things i have to hide every day at my professional job.

everybody has work personas that are at least a little separate from how they present themselves to the rest of the world, but i feel like i struggle with it more than most people might? like the transition from straight-up business casual femme to what i wear otherwise shouldn’t be so hard for me, but it is — every day i try not to show my tattoos or wear too much perfume or makeup, try not to reveal to anyone that i smoke or drink, try not to have any disruptive opinions or reveal  that ceratin situations make me anxious or stressed out. and i really think this has more to do with me and my own insecurities than it does with what’s actually welcome in my workplace. today i am wearing fishnet tights and it’s making me worry a lot about whether i should change before i go on the reference desk.

i just hate feeling like i have to constantly pull my short skirts down (metaphorically and literally) and i do that enough in my everyday library-job life that i don’t want to do it in my social life anymore.